09/05/2012

As the Coyote Said to Homer...

...I'm an achiever.  Or something like that.  Anyway, enough cultural references as this is going to be my last entry on here and I'm going out on a high.  Without giving too much away.  I've done that before.  But not the sort of high where you start kicking tortoises.

My friend Phil, City Boy that he is embarks on a period of Non Drinking from January onwards each year as a kind of detox response to the Silly Season of drinking about three times your own body weight in alcohol at about ten parties a week for the three months prior to Christmas.  So every time since then we're approaching the Bell and Hare in Tottenham on a weekend and I ask him if he's back on the booze yet it is quickly rebuffed with something like 'no, I'm extending it another month'.  This went on till about March some time with the announcement that his previously privately held 'Phil and Rob's International Beer and Chilli Festival' would be opening itself to the public (invitation only, of course) this year, and that this would mark, at least temporarily, a brief regression until the wagon returned to give Phil a lift somewhere.  So what happens at an International Beer and Chilli Festival, one might ask?  You drink International Beers and eat chilli.  It's competitive.  Intrigue.  Excitement.  Obviously I had to win this thing, so I had to get a pretty awesome chilli going.

This makes enough chilli for a competition with about ten judges, or for two hungry people.

500g chuck steak in roughly 1in dice
1 large onion
2 cloves garlic, minced with coarse sea salt
1 large green chilli
1 tbsp molasses sugar
2 tbsp cider vinegar
2 tbsp chipotles en adobo
400g chopped tomatoes
125g red kidney beans
200ml red wine
2 tbsp olive oil
1 piece mace
2 bay leaves
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anise
2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground cloves
1 tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground corriander
Salt and pepper

Soak the kidney beans overnight in cold, unsalted water.  Drain, then place in a large pan of fresh cold, unsalted water.  Bring to a rapid boil and cook for around 2 hours, skimming off any foam when necessary.  Add a pinch of salt about 10 minutes from the end.

Preheat the oven to 140°C/120°C fan/Gas mark 1.

Heat the olive oil in a large, heavy based saucepan.  Fry the steak until browned all over.  Remove from the pan and add the chopped onion and garlic.  Soften for around five minutes, then add the green chilli and star anise and season with salt and pepper.  Cook gently for a further five minutes, then add the remaining spices.  Once the dry spices have mixed into the onion and garlic, add the sugar, vinegar and chipotles.  Return the meat to the pan along with the chopped tomatoes and wine and season again.  Bring to the boil, then cover and move to the oven and cook for at least two hours.  At this point add the cooked and drained beans and cook for a further hour.  When ready, shred the meat using a pair of forks.  Serve with rice or crusty bread.

I road tested this recipe a week before the competition, in which I used some remaining veal stock I had in the freezer.  As it was the last lot I had, I used wine for the Competition Chilli.  Both have their advocates.  Either would be fine, or beef stock in place of veal, or even a combination of the two.  Tinned beans are also fine, although the texture isn't as nice as the method above.  Although if you do use dried beans, make sure you don't do what I did whilst making the Competition Chilli and totally forget to boil them before adding them.  If you do, you will then have to painstakingly pick out every bean, rinse them then give them a rapid boil for another hour or so (they'd been cooking in the chilli for about an hour when I realised this).  In a thoroughly pleasing case of things happening together, my chilli was ready and the Grand National finished right at the same time that I needed to leave.

So, to the competition.  Although there was no one running a bookies, I sensed that I had been installed as some sort of pre-tournament favourite and had big expectations to live up to.  As numerous chillies arrived it was clear that this wasn't going to be an easy competition.  Each chilli was arbitrarily assigned a letter by an impartial non-entrant, in this case Kelly.  Scores were given out of ten for Appearance, Aroma, Flavour and Texture.  All important aspects of a chilli, you will no doubt agree.  The competition was stiff, as was proved by the lengthy period of time taken for all the scores to be added up, a recount taken, until finally the results were in.  You could cut the tension with a knife.  No one did, though, as we were all stuffed with chilli (and pulled pork - if you ever wondered who would bring a knife to a gun fight, try pondering who would bring pulled pork to a Chilli Competition?  Except that in this case, the pulled pork was awesome and well worthy of its honorary prize for Best Pulled Pork.)

And so, the award for Best Appearance went to... Ms Susie Mangan, for a very fine appearing chilli.  The award for Best Aroma was taken by... myself, and even if I must admit myself, it smelt pretty damn good.  The award for Best Flavour went to Ms Emma Dalby's Butternut Squash and Black Bean Chilli, and the award for Best Texture was a triumph for co-host Mr Rob Hayward.  Which left (Best Pulled Pork award aside, take a bow Mrs Stephanie Fox, and Award for Least Effort for Scott Heywood-Smith's tinned entry) the main event, the Best Overall Chilli Award.  As there was a recount, we knew it would be close, and with four separate winners already, it could be anyone's title.  More specifically, it was mine.  I don't have any pictures of the chilli itself (and after all, it wasn't even the Best Appearing Chilli) just this rather splendid certificate congratulating me on being an achiever.  There were photos of award acceptances, but the food always does the talking.


So consider this a guide to How to Win at Chilli Competitions.  Unless, by some coincidence two people read this, follow it and enter the same chilli competition.  In which case it is merely a guide to How to Tie for First at Chilli Competitions.

1 comment:

  1. Woo Hoo!!!! I'm going to tie 1st next chilli competition!!!!1111one111!!!!

    ReplyDelete